| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2007|09:46 pm] |
| Your Personality is Very Rare (ENTJ) | 
Your personality type is energetic, romantic, optimistic, and brave.
Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 5% of all men
You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 16th, 2007|05:11 pm] |
For those of you who have graduated college, did you notice that some of your friends went BATSHIT crazy the last few days before graduation? I've had that happen twice this week with planned "last outings" with a group of friends where some of the group is moving away immediately following graduation. It makes me incredibly sad, but angry that people can't just say they're upset that college is ending instead of picking fights with each other over stupid and meaningless things. We'll miss each other. JUST SAY IT. The human mind is so bizarre, at times, with how it protects us from things that we don't want to experience by finding something else to channel the same energies through.
Graduation is such a letdown. You spend so much time wanting to make it there, that once you're there it isn't as appealing anymore. You realize all that you can potentially gain, which is WONDERFUL--if only that gain wasn't paired with such feelings of loss and unfamiliarity. In a period that has inspired such growth and personal development, is it only natural that we reject it and the people and events that got us there upon our departure?
I started this several weeks ago, and LJ just recovered it. Way to be efficient with your time there, LJ.
1. My ex - somehow has managed to be around me in some context or another for the last three years. When I mentioned that I never wanted to see that person again, I didn't think that irony would be such a cruel, cruel fate.
2. I am listening to - tribal sounds of my eternal love, Survivor.
3. Maybe I should - stop snacking on the bag of chips I just devoured.
4. I love - the resilience of the human spirit.
5. My bestfriend(s) - keep me grounded, laughing, and in awe of the beauty that resides in them.
6. I don't understand - how a person commits a hate crime. Especially a group of students against an awesome fellow teacher.
7. I lost respect for - the education system as a whole.
8. i wish- I had a job already.
9. The meaning of my screen name is - I was fifteen. Dramanerd joined with my birthdate was the most creative thing I could come up with.
10. Love - will find me someday. But for some reason I do not believe it will be soon.
11. Somewhere - out there, someone's saying a prayer. That we'll find one another...American Tail, anyone?
12. I will always - stand up for my convictions
13. Forever seems like - a much shorter duration than I once thought.
14. I never ever want to lose - hope.
15. My cell phone- hates me. I think this hatred transcends regardless of make, model, or wireless carrier.
16. When I wake up in the morning - I hit the snooze button for about an hour. If no alarm, I usually skip the morning and wake up in the afternoon.
17. I get annoyed at - republicans, in general.
18. Parties are - only fun when you know everyone there.
19. My pet(s) - Are the most ugly and stupid things you can imagine. But they will never stop showing excitement when you get home.
20. Kisses are - an experience dependent upon whom they are shared with ;)
21. Today I - when i started this (two weeks ago) I finished my last full day of student teaching AND college. Today I - (Now that I've completed it) have watched several episodes of Heroes, planned my staff schedules, and struggled with the emotional strain the last few days of college has on friendships.
22. I really want - A JOB, DAMNIT. |
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| Flood of emotions |
[Mar. 27th, 2007|10:49 pm] |
I talked to mom earlier, and she let me know that she had to put my childhood pet of 15 years to sleep today. Apparently she stopped eating and after having blood work done the vet said her kidneys were failing and she would pretty much waste away slowly and painfully if she wanted to take her home.
I was alright at first. But then all of a sudden I just burst out crying. But the longer I cried I realized that, though I originally began crying because of Lucky, I wasn't able to stop crying because of so many other reasons.
This semester has been one of such immense...change...one where everything that I thought I knew or had grown to expect has shifted. As much as I have tried and managed to take control over (or convince myself that I have control over) these changes, I have oftentimes felt overwhelmed by the amount of things I have felt are/were not in my ability to control, foresee, or change. Anyone who knows me should know how difficult this would be for me.
I do not remember much of my childhood before I found that cat. I feel like I have lost yet another connection to a certain comfort level of expectancy that I had grown accustomed to at the same time I am struggling to transition to a new world I'm obviously not quite ready to reach out to.
Whatever happened to the whole easing into things philosophy? All I've heard lately is to just 'throw 'em out there, they'll figure it out on their own." Can't I embrace the future while still holding onto elements of the past? Why does everything have to be so immediate? The denotation of the word transition itself is a passage that connects a topic to one that follows. Not two topics that flow directly into each other. But a PASSAGE THAT CONNECTS them.
Why do I feel like I skipped this part? And why am I having such a hard time both expressing that fact and then dealing with it?
I will truly miss my crazy, energetic, fat cat that I still swear is part squirrel.
My bed will be quite lonely my next trip home. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2007|03:26 pm] |
Lauren spoke with me a few weeks ago about the difficult decision of leaving her future graduate school program based upon the feelings of not being challenged by the material. That is where I currently find myself teaching middle school. There's nothing challenging about it. Rather than an educator I feel like a babysitter all day long. Assignments are given out and then I find myself monitoring and correcting misbehavior the whole time instead of teaching, which is not how I want to spend my days. The stress level is much lower than high school, which I must say is wonderful. But the rest of the time I'm really bored. Bored enough to say I'd rather be an accountant making the big bucks to be just as unfulfilled with my work.
Maybe I just don't connect with small children and preteens. I didn't have many to interact with as I was growing up, so maybe that's why I'm so annoyed with them. Perhaps that annoyance will change with time, or maybe it has to do with the lack of effective classroom management in place from my mentor teacher. I'm not quite sure. Working with Pam Friday at Hill Country Middle School made me love teaching sixth grade--so maybe it is my current teacher and the demographic of the school I am at. My students ALL went snowskiing or backpacking across Europe for their spring breaks, and mentioned that they "settled for a Fendi bag" as a souvenir. I find myself resenting all of these snobbish, spoiled, little rich white kids. I miss the diversity of Crockett students. As difficult as they were at times, it was usually a reflection of their struggles outside of the classroom, not how spoiled they were. Does that mean I'd rather teach in a poor demographic as opposed to a rich one? Maybe.
The whole job search process baffles my mind. Out of 100 websites that I've looked at, (which is only 2% of the amount of places I still have to look) only 5 have theatre teacher openings, and they aren't in the most exciting areas. Two hundred people in the entire school type situations or ones with absolutely no budget. Perhaps I'll have to settle for my first job placement and then work my way into something a little more comfortable. For some reason I thought getting a job with the state would be more organized. Such as there would be one place (or less than 100 places, at least) to go in order to find out who is hiring. I can only imagine how insane it is to look for a job outside of governmental agencies, considering the time I'm having.
Senioritis is kicking my ass, especially in combination with not liking my placement right now. And the lack of social life I've had since starting this whole gig isn't helping. Little Richard might say I'm pimpin'. I don't know. I either need a break or something insane like getting PAID for working that might motivate me right now. It's almost sick to be having to put forth so much energy my last semester when all my classmates are able to be slacking off hardcore right now. Jealoussssss. If anything, this whole semester has taught me that I am both qualified and capable to be doing this job, which is exactly what I needed. It's weird to know that I'm also more qualified and capable than the people I'm working under, which is incredibly uplifting, but also a little scary for our education system.
I have complete faith that I will find something out there that is perfect for me. It may not be now. It may not be soon. But I'm not scared about the upcoming months of searching and interviewing. I just wish it were already here and overwith. ;) Regardless, I at least know that I will be looking for HS positions and NOT anywhere within 30 minutes of my hometown. That at least gives me somewhere to begin. |
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| looks like 2006 NEVER happened |
[Feb. 17th, 2007|11:56 pm] |
I just realized that I didn't survey 2006. Since I've had a livejournal, regardless of my posting frequency, I have always surveyed the previous year as I attempt to embrace the new. I thought about it, but never did.
Hmmm.
I never look back over previous years' entries, so maybe there isn't any point, if in fact the purpose of writing is to monitor consistency and progression over time. But if I'm writing as a reflective tool that allows me to fulfill some unexplainable urge or search for something, then maybe there is...oh well, in the lj world, looks like 2006 didn't happen.
2007 has already been a giant ball of insanity. Current questions/dilemmas include:
Why do I keep buying bread, only to throw it away because I didn't eat it fast enough?
Have I chosen the right career path?
Sleep: Overrated?
Could it true that higher alcohol intake is NOT a suggested weight loss alternative?
What is this thing called money, and where can I get some?
Might I find my social life at a local Lost and Found?
What was the thought process of putting the nobs that should control the left burners of my stove on the right?
Why do students find that liquid soap is an innovative vandalism tool?
Could Grey's Anatomy producers not understand that fake killing off a main character is insulting to audience members?
And moreso: Why am I not asleep? |
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| AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH |
[Jan. 7th, 2007|01:19 pm] |
I just realized as I was looking through an old entry, that I have the same fears POST college as I did PRE college. Weren't all these answers supposed to come to me by now? What did the last four years get me other than the freshman 15, the sophomore 10, and $25,000 in debt?
Forgive me. I don't mean to sound ungrateful.
I start student teaching in less than 24 hours.
I'm a little far from what most would call...mmm...STABLE.
Mommy wow, I'm a big kid now. |
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| Transition |
[Dec. 19th, 2006|01:16 pm] |
I stopped writing after my freshman year. In my own way for once I wanted to experience the world around me without having to reflect about it. Or maybe I was afraid to, I'm not quite sure. Looking back, I both am happy and disappointed with that decision. I lived in the moment, but I have no documentation to look back over. Anyway, I decided to try to pick it back up again, as random and as intermittent as it may be.
I went teacher clothes shopping yesterday. I can't believe I'm at this point in my life already. I think I was too wrapped up in everything going on around me to realize the transition has already occurred. So much has changed in the past three and a half years it's a little overwhelming to look back on it--but it has been truly amazing.
While I haven't graduated yet, technically I'm no longer a student and have arrived at the destination of my career: student teaching. It feels strange to transition from taking classes for 16 years to teaching them from now on. People keep asking me if I am "ready", but all I keep thinking is that you can never FULLY be ready for anything. I am open to embrace the experience wholeheartedly...but "ready" isn't in my vocabulary just yet...
These next few months will be amazing. I don't doubt that they will be the roughest, yet most fulfilling moments of my life thus far. Until then, however, I will spend the next week at home, relaxing and gearing up for the upcoming months with friends and family. Until January 8th, however, when real life begins...
Wish me luck. |
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| Adios West Wing |
[Nov. 28th, 2006|02:03 am] |
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There's something so sad about the end of an era. |
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| Dear big guy in the sky |
[Nov. 20th, 2006|02:33 pm] |
Not to be overdramatic or anything, but could this semester please end already? That would be great.
And, it would also be great that I get approved for the apartment I just applied for, because if not I'm seriously FUCKED.
Thanks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2006|12:00 am] |
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What is wrong with me? I've never NOT been on top of my game. Senioritis is kicking my ass. But at least I'm prioritizing...at least that's what we'll call it. |
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| Dayton should have it's own accent after "waaaatchin Wyyfe Swappp" |
[Nov. 2nd, 2006|11:32 am] |
| What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio. | | The Inland North | | | The Northeast | | | Philadelphia | | | The South | | | The West | | | Boston | | | North Central | | What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|03:51 pm] |
Today was shitty enough for me to post about it on livejournal.
I'm so sick of fucking bullshit. And of being convinced that something that is bullshit really isn't.
I understand lately why people drop out of college their senior year. UT may be a school that prides itself on its academics, but I am now completely sure that it is because of the will of the students and NOT the guidance of the professors that we maintain that level of academia...I could go on, but I don't have time.
I'm so over college. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|11:37 pm] |
Sunflower. Annoying rants. Lots of alcohol.
Pretty much sums up my evening.
Not nearly as fun as it originally sounded. |
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| Government at ACC |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|11:43 am] |
Seriously, I spanked that test. 95. What what. God, I love community college.
Oddly enough, I'm actually reading ALL the material since I have the time to with summer hours. So one must ask: is community college easier or am I actually studying more and therefore getting grades? Or is it my love for the West Wing that is pulling me through?
It's probably a little of the latter, but mostly, it's COMMUNITY COLLEGE. Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaah.
But the interesting thing about it is that I have retained more information in this class than in any of my UT classes, because they aren't overwhelming us with so much detail that you only remember most of it for the test and then forget it.
Going to Nac for the weekend, to attend the Blueberry festival with Lauren and Matt. I'm hoping to eat some ridiculous shit made from blueberries. I'm also hoping for a lack of queasy-fun-ness resulting from said blueberry ridiculousness. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|10:58 pm] |
Long time no update.
Still no time.
But I thought I should mention that I walked out of the shower earlier, found bugs all over my comforter, and then had a bug land on me--only to look up and find at least a hundred bugs scattered across the wall.
Yay for exterminators NOT working 24 hours. Couch, here I come. Unfortunately I am still supposed to study in the very dim light of the living room. LAME. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2006|08:32 pm] |
What's Your Inner Beast? [pics]
The Griffin: The Griffin stands for Freedom. You have the kind of soul that can't be brought down to retraints, and will always escape to find a happier place. Strengths: Always energetic and looking for some fun, the Griffin seeks to live an exciting life. Sometimes you just want to fly away from the world itself to seek something more exhilerating to endure and experience. Often friendly, the Griffin is usually the one who is the center of attention, always looking to give a good laugh and help others. Flip Side: When love calls to the heart of this freedom seeking bird, sometimes its hard to pin it down. You don't like being caged, whether it be a relationship or inside your own house, it can merely drive you insane! The Griffin is also known to become carried away, and can also turn sour to other people on bad days. Congratulations! You have a Griffin inside! pic (c) Christy Grandjean aka GoldenWolfen
Take this quiz!
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| Letters to random things |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|05:31 pm] |
Dear 6th graders who I taught today for the last time...I was not sad to leave most of you...just to clarify
Dear piece of metal that ripped a hole in my pants yesterday...I am not mad at you...continue spreading cheer to the rest of the world one hole-in-the-ass at a time
Dear envelope in my bag yesterday...thank you for being the one thing in my bag that was able to cover said hole in my pants
Dear White Elephant play that I am in...you end tomorrow...and I could NOT be happier
Dear British guy in play...why are you so sexy...and why are you dating the 7 foot tall lady from Norway with bad hair?...come show Shanks some love
Dear men in my life...why are you crazy?...
Dear drunken kickball in Pease Park...I await your glory
Dear Seventeen Magazine...thank you for the hilarious articles that you graced me with yesterday...oh to be young, seventeen, and an idiot
Dear Mr. Henshaw...you were badass back in the day...I just had to go there |
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dramanerd403's journal
